Reefer Madness

    Well, Hello kiddies! It has been a while since we last had a chance to rant. It isn't that I didn't want to, it is just that I have been a touch busy. Last Thursday was my birthday and I did what I always do around this time of year..... reflect and look ahead. I was talking about the past with one of my friends and we were talking about my younger years( yes I'm old now ) and all the fun stuff we did back then. I soon realized that almost all of the really funny stuff happened while I was stoned. That's right, stoned. I , like many of you, used to smoke pot, weed, reefer! I no longer do it because my job demands that I be sober and I am subject to random drug and alcohol testing not to mention that I have outgrown it. But it got me thinking about marijuana prohibition and the other prohibition that our country went through in the early part of the last century and how we never seem to learn our history lessons.

    Early in the last century our country decided that it would be a great idea to ban the manufacture, sale or consumption of alcohol. It wasn't just the Temperance movement or a government plan that caused this. It was many groups who saw the dangers of alcohol and thought it best to eliminate it from our society. It is safe to say that, while the intention was good, it was a complete failure and it failed on many levels. Before the ban women( other than prostitutes ) did not go into saloons. After the ban, women started going to speak ease's and female alcoholism sky rocketed. Before the ban, organized crime didn't quite exist. After the ban, organized crime became prevalent and ruthless not to mention that the quality of the alcohol they made was suspect as well. Our police would round up people by the patty wagons full and put them in jail which cost local governments huge amounts of tax revenue and overwhelmed the court systems.

    Well, here we are...the 21st century and what do I see? A fuckin' repeat of the past. The Narco trafficantes in Mexico have killed close to 30,000 people in drug turf wars. We have people who wanted nothing more than to smoke a little kush being rounded up, put in jail, appearing in court and for what? Because they wanted to enjoy what they like? Fantastic... great idea.... we have nothing better to do? No bigger problems to address or put those tax dollars towards? Listen you idiots... I have never, in my life, met a person who said " hey man, lets go rob a liquor store so we can score some smoke". NOOO......pot heads are not like that. They don't get high and say " hey man, lets get high and go beat the shit out of someone". Noooo....instead it is more like " hey man, lets get high, order a pizza and play a video game". You  morons who think that banning marijuana is a good idea are insane and have learned nothing from our past.

    The war on drugs is a fucking joke. We have thrown hundreds of billions at this issue over the last sixty to seventy years and what has it accomplished? NOTHING you assholes. So please stop this insanity. The definition of insanity is " doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". So tell me, has the result been any different than the war on alcohol? Nope, same failed idea, same result. At what point do we finally admit that this war is a failure? At what point do we accept the idea that as a free person, aka American, we have the right to snap a bong load or light a joint? I am really tired of goody two shoe assholes trying to tell others how to live. If you don't want to smoke a little kush, then don't but leave those who do alone. Back to wars....if I made every world leader sit down and snap a bong load we may never see another war. They would all be to busy watching a movie or playing a video game and eating pizza to give a shit about what the country next door was saying about him. Maybe we should get all of Al queda high, give them an Xbox and a game called "Kill the Infidel" and they would ease up a little and join the party.... maybe not ...pot and explosives are never a good mix but if they blew themselves up that wouldn't be so bad either would it?

    Look, all I'm trying to say is that the current policy is wrong on way too many levels. We can apply the same laws to Marijuana consumption that we do to alcohol. We can make money in both the growing of and taxation of hemp. Hemp has many more uses than just smoking it. By doing these things, we can take some power away from the Narco Trafficantes, ease the burden on our criminal justice system and finally start treating some illnesses with the plant. By the way, do you know what it costs to house an inmate in our correction system? Depending on the state it can cost anywhere from 30k to 60k a year. That's our tax money!!! These guys, are for the most part, non violent offenders who have been arrested for possession of marijuana. Then we put them in with"real criminals" and we think that they are going to be all better when they come out? Nope, now they have a criminal record and will have problems getting a job not to mention the great friends they had to make while in prison so they wouldn't get raped or beat to shit every day. No worries, I'm sure they will come out a much better person....YEAH RIGHT!

    Look genius, can we finally agree that maybe, just maybe, it is time that we reconsidered the path YOU have chosen? That maybe we can look at the plant and the people who use it as NON DANGEROUS? Damn it....PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS and think rationally for just 5 minutes. Quit trying to save people from themselves all the DAMN TIME! And by the way... you assholes in San Francisco....   I want a toy with my fuckin HAPPY MEAL alright? Get your fuckin " I know whats better for you than you do" ASS OUT OF MY LIFE! DAMN IT!!!!!! Sorry, just tired of people trying to live MY FUCKIN LIFE FOR ME & QUIT TRYING TO HARSH MY MELLOW ASSHOLE!!!!

    Anyhow, I hope I was able to talk some sense into those of you on the other side. Most likely not, but it was worth a shot. Keep on doing what your doing....after all....your insane.

  

  

You Are Old......

........Not quite, damn it, but I'm getting there....and before I forget.....uh....uhhhhhh.....damn it...what was I going to say.......CRAP! Oh yeah! Now I remember....YOU SUCK! You had to go and remind me that something I dread, something I thought would never happen ,cuz I wasn't SUPPOSED TO LIVE THIS FUCKIN' LONG, is, beyond the shadow of any doubt,  happening! God damn it!

    You see, I  never thought that I would be old. It wasn't going to happen to me....it Couldn't happen to me. Why would he think such a silly thing, you ask? Because genius, in case you have forgotten (and you have), none of us thought we would ever get old! Remember the days when we sat around and laughed at old people. We laughed at the way they dressed and the way they acted and we told ourselves that we would never be them....REMEMBER THAT? Well guess what....go look in the mirror retard...and while you are doing that, hold up a picture of you when you were....oh, I don't know.....anytime before 30! By the way...if you are 35 or under and try this you will think I'm the tard.....unless you totally look like shit now compared to then. If that's the case, put down the Tommy's triple chili cheese burger, quit smoking crack, quit drinking a fifth of Mad Dog 20/20 (Jack Daniels for those of you with jobs) and quit smoking 2 packs of Marlboro Reds a day....IDIOT!!!

     ..........Ahhhh...but I digress...... You see, I wasn't supposed to live this long. In my 20's I was out of control. Every moment was a party but to me it was more than a party. It was me always trying to push the envelope doing and trying things that, looking back, were not all that smart. It wasn't that I was dumb, stupid or otherwise, I have never been those things, it was that I didn't care about much. I cared about my friends and the people I loved but I didn't give a rats ass about what might happen to me. If you ask my family or friends about me, I think they may all agree that I just didn't give a shit. O.k......enough with the serious bullshit......UUUUgggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

    So, here I am at..... non of your fuckin business... years old but it is safe to say that if I held up a pic of myself and looked in the mirror to compare then to now that I would most likely climb into a bath tub with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a razor blade( just kidding...put the fuckin phone down already). At times it really bothers me that I have become "older" but the one part that doesn't bother me at all is that I am much smarter now. Life experience has taught me much. Most of it is great but I also see that it has made me far less care free. Now I have a career, responsibilities, and all sorts of other obligations.

    There are parts of the old me that I miss but there also parts that I am happy to have outgrown....wait...didn't I say enough serious?....YES I DID!!!! CRAP....keep forgetting shit......Look..old people....2 things to never do......1.Men... Quit trying to be 25 when you are 50 by running around wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts and pants.....YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN CLOWN..... conversely, don't throw on a pair of baggy ass pants pulled up over you navel with a tucked in polo shirt.......that just screams OLD FUCK .2.Ladies, Quit wearing weird colored mu mu's, or whatever the fuck you call them, with polyester stretch pants.....that screams I own 100 cats! Also....nothing is quite so retarded as khaki capri pants.....can we finally agree on this....they look like fuckin shit. there is nothing sexy about them ( unless they are jeans style and tight fitting ) just as there is nothing sexy about a guy with pants pulled up past his navel.....damn it...have you all forgotten how to dress with a little bit of style. Just a touch of class and a bit of " I give a shit about myself and what I look like! Is it really to much to ask? Oh...and one other thing...you guys in your 40's and 50's...quit trying so fuckin hard to look 25....it's too late...the receding hair line...bit of beer belly...grey hair..wrinkles...do I need to continue asshole? Your time has come and gone...so go gracefully into middle age and quite trying to impress your sons girlfriend weirdo.

    This I say to the rest of you who are doing your best to age gracefully with dignity and class. Thank you for being real!!!


    A special shout out to Jen for the "your old" idea. If you have a suggestion for me to rant about, please feel free to post it in the comment section!

    Well that's it for now you wrinkled up, pasty, crusty old folks. We will address some other issues related to oldness ( like viagra ) in another 20 to 30 years. Until then......

.........rant on you old fucks!!!!!

Sorry to disappoint

Well, not really. Truth is I don't care if you're disappointed or not. I'm not going to RANT because it is New Years Day. It is a time to start fresh, to look at life in all its glory with a new pair of sun glasses. After all, the future is so bright I gotta wear shades!

    The fact of the matter is today is the first day of a new year and as such, many people are laying around in a dark, cool room trying their best not to bolt for the bathroom. They don't want to have to go into the bathroom because that is where their friend is, curled up in a fetal position, on the floor next to the toilet. To you I say "job well done"! You were successful in making sure that the first 12 hours of the new year didn't exist in your mind! Excellent!!! One small problem....technology! That is right, oh speaker of slurred speech! While you were up on the bar, dancing you little heart away, your friends ( and some guy we don't know who regularly posts things on youtube ) had their phones out recording every precious moment for posterity! As a matter of fact I'm watching it on youtube right now! Whaaaooooo.....that had to hurt when you dove off the bar. Judges score? 9.2,  9.5,  9.5,  10, and a 5.7...( last judge was russian). Impressive! To you I give a tip of the hat!

    So....being that it is national recovery day and there isn't much thinking going on beyond " I think I gotta throw up". Lets make Jan. 2nd a day that we consider what we will do with this new year. Lets be kind and thoughtful. Considerate and grateful. Giving and caring. Most of all...Lets give a shit about our world and all thats in it. Lets try to make it just a little bit better....what do ya say? You in?

     OOOOPPPSSSS..... did I go on a rant? My bad!

A side note...

    Yesterday I had my DMV moment. Renewed my license and with it received a new picture. I usually don't give a rats ass about the pic. It's not like anyone is going to see it except for the police officer that wants to see my license along with my registration and proof of insurance. After all, I'm too old to be carded anymore. So, why should it bug me this time? Because, I look like I just ate a triple, triple ( In-N-Out lingo for a triple cheese burger) and had the whole damn thing still in my mouth like a fuckin squirrel! Now, keep in mind that I am not a vain person. I know that I am no chiseled jaw, ripped, Calvin Klein model. Not even close. But I didn't think that I am a total fat ass either. They say that the camera adds ten pounds....LIARS....IT ADDS FIFTY!

    Needless to say that I spent the whole day wanting to shove my finger down my throat at the sight of food( just kidding ). So....wanna guess what my New Years Resolution is? Damn it.....  5 years in a row that this resolution takes the #1 spot........... SHIT!!!!

2 hours of my life.....

.....that I will never get back. Yes, my fellow Kings and Queens of the road, thats right, 2 hours spent with you at the Dept.of Motor Vehicles in beautiful Canoga Park, CA. Ahhhhh.... yes, it was time well spent. Well spent because I accomplished what I had set out to do. I renewed my license along with all the necessary endorsements such as HAZMAT, doubles and triples, tanker and motorcycle. The process itself wasn't painful at all. What was painful? Oh, do tell, you say? I shouldn't....it would be harsh...perhaps unkind......but you know me, don't you!?! So I will, I must........can you say RANT...I know you can!

    What was annoying? What was painful? What made me want to scream " ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME?" just about every five minutes. Crap, where to begin......I guess at the beginning....logical right?

    1. I know it is the end of the month and the line would be long. I saw it as soon as I drove up. As I pulled in I almost got hit by some jackass who, undoubtedly, just got his license. Hey weenie, the mirrors are on your car for a reason! How about looking over your shoulder or using the mirrors before you back out of the space...Thank you and have a nice day ( code for "asshole").

    2. Proceeded to take my place in line. I remember driving there alone, getting out of my car alone, walking to the line alone, Sooooo....who is this person standing almost right next to me? So close, in fact, that I thought that, maybe, I had just acquired a new girlfriend. I looked at her for a moment, but she didn't look back at me. I knew right away that she couldn't be my girlfriend, not my type and I woke up alone this morning! I think to myself " what the fucks going on here". The line moves up a little and there she is, on my left and just a touch behind but still close enough to rub elbows. Then it begins.... annoyance starts to build as I realize that this person is invading my PERSONAL FUCKIN' SPACE! What is it with people? I understand if I am at a concert, a club, a sporting event or in a fucking chain gang but.... REALLY? At the DMV, in a line that's going nowhere fast?  REALLY?

    3. So, now I have made it inside, received my number and realize that I will be here for a loooooonnnngggg time. I look for a seat in a far off corner figuring that I will play a little poker on my phone while I wait. I find a nice little row of unoccupied seats and make myself comfortable. Well.... As soon as I sit down a lady and her 6 CHILDREN make themselves comfortable and proceed to fight and yell and scream and, and, and, and........HOLY CRAP! WHO BRINGS 6 KIDS TO DMV. It was like a damn field trip. I now feel sorry for my teachers and all the hell I put them through. Not a second later a guy, about my age, sits next to me on my other side. He has a dog with him.....WTF...he isn't blind and even if he was, what the hell would he be doing at DMV? Renewing his license? He attempts to start a conversation with me but the smell of Vodka on his breath is killing me. I know! Right now you are saying "no way". I kid you not friends and neighbors! So I leave my, once tranquil, little seat and go in search of some place to wait my turn.

    4.Finally, my number is called! I go to the appropriate window where I find a nice older lady. She is very helpful and made me smile on numerous occasions. She had a great sense of humor but then, you would have to when most of your day is filled with people being frustrated with you and shitting on you. To all the assholes that gave this sweet lady a hard time I say..... may the asshole whom almost hit me in the parking lot hit you.....and hard....jack ass.

    5. Body Odor! What is it with people? You know you are heading out your front door. Chances are, you are going some place where other people will be....you know.....like the DMV! Do you bother to take a shower? Perhaps us some deodorant ( de-odor-ant...deodorizes/ removes or prevents odor) preferably applied directly after taking a shower? Put on some fresh, or at least recently laundered, clothes( not worn since being freshly laundered )? Maybe a dash of cologne...I said dash, not half the damn bottle!? No, Nope...... not you of the green fog. You head out in all your odiforous( my own word, thank you) glory, to share with the world a smell that is equal to that emitting from a garbage truck on a 110 degree day. We, standing in line or sitting beside you at said DMV, would like to say Thank you! Thank you for reminding us to never skip a shower and always wear deodorant. By the way...lets throw in one more personal hygiene tip kiddies.If you plan on opening your pie hole and speaking words or breathing...brush your damn teeth. Funk Mouth is something that is sooo nasty. If you have gum, hey, use it!

    Well boys and girls, that pretty much wraps it up for me tonight. I would like to say thank you to you all for letting me bleed on you.....I mean lean on you. Just remember..... the person next to you at that red light might be the same jack ass or asses that I mentioned here in this rant. Now don't you feel all warm and fuzzy all over? Always remember what Bill Murray said to Punksutawny Phil in Groundhog Day....."DON"T DRIVE ANGRY!"

The Anti - Rant..........

    Well kiddies, another Christmas has come and gone. Gifts were given, time with loved ones shared, laughter, joy, happiness, kindness and care have been abundant! It seems that it is the one time of the year that we put aside whatever ill will we have and remember what is truly important in life.

    What was it like for me, you may ask ? Due to my job, I was unable to be with my family for Christmas but shed no tears for me! Vacations are dolled out on a seniority basis where I work and it just so happened that I was able to take my vacation during the first half of December. I went home and spent some time with my Mom and my brother( love ya Jon) in Idaho. We made this time our Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had a great time with my family and it didn't matter that it wasn't exactly Thanksgiving or Christmas. All that mattered was that I was able to spend time with them and that the same feeling was in the air. The tree was up, carols were being played and love, laughter, joy, story telling and happiness were abundant. My Mom has always said that we can celebrate these holidays at any time we want. As always Mom is right!!!! Love you Mom!

    I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we can and should be able to have the spirit of these holidays with us year round. Thanksgiving and Christmas may be a date on a calender but the meaning of both are so much larger than that. Being grateful and the spirit of giving, love, joy and sense of good will is something that we should carry with us all year and for that matter, throughout life. It is an model for our consideration, for us to look at and to see in it the things that we should strive to be each and every day. Should we only love or be kind to each other one day a year? Of course not! WE should be taking the spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas with us through each and every day. Even if you are not religious, there are important lessons to be learned and what you learn can be applied to your every day life.

    So, what did I do for Christmas and Thanksgiving? I am lucky enough to have great friends! Tim and Angela as well as Makenzie and Alexis( their daughters) and the rest of the family have, kind of, adopted me!lol. They are my extended and adopted family and I love them soooo much! Every year that I can't make it home, they always have me over to their house for the Holidays. We eat, laugh, tease, laugh some more, eat some more.....all I can say is that they add so much happiness to my life and I can't imagine not having them in my life. So.. a special shout out to them for being my friends/ family and inviting me to share in the spirit of the holidays with them. I had a great time and love you all. But wait... I'm not the only one they shared their home with. Our friend Steve, oh ,cooker of the bird, and his daughter were also invited( Turkey was awesome Steve). I guess, even though none of us are all that religious, that the spirit of Christmas was bountiful yesterday and it was as it should be!

    Well, that wraps it up for me! Just remember peeps..... it is the spirit that counts, not the day on some calender. So lets make a New Years resolution together, shall we? Lets agree to a resolution that from this point on we take the spirit of these two holidays forward into 2011 and maybe, just maybe, this coming year will be better than the last because of it.

     Until next time, anti-rant on......

  

Don't Judge........

    Hmmmmm. Why is it that those two words want to make me start kicking just about anything in sight? Why is it that the thing that I usually want to kick is the IDIOT who just uttered those insane words. Damn it...Damn it and Damn it all to hell!!!! But, you see, I can't kick them. I can only look at them with a look of disgust and ask "Really?.... Really?". Damn it..... I hate the words and hate the idea and most of all the person that says them.

    Why, you ask? Let me tell you why. Mostly because the asshole, who just told me not to judge, just made a judgement about me the second before those fuckin' words left their mouth. They judged what I said and considered it worthy of that fucked up and hypocritical response. Do you see what I'm saying here? Wait...it gets even better. Not only did they judge me and what I said but from the moment they woke up they have been making judgements about people all day. I will play out a day....a day like any of us might have and you tell me if I'm crazy or if I made my case. Fair enough?

    Wake up...."Oh it's going to be a beautiful day". Do the normal grooming and crap. Proceed to the car. Husband or wife parked to close thereby making it hard to get in said car, utters the word "idiot"....ding..ding..ding JUDGEMENT....lets continue........... Backs car out of driveway and almost runs over a jogger...utters the word "asshole"....ding ding ding JUDGEMENT.....continue on, oh person of the Don't Judge.................. While stopped at a traffic light, looks at car next to them, sees a man picking his nose, pulling out a rather tasty morsel and says "ewwwwwww gross.... he is gross!". Once again we should remind ourselves that judging is wrong....ya right. But I digress....shall we continue?............ Arrives at restaurant to have breakfast with a friend. Sits at table and a rather large waiter appears to take the order. First thing in Mr./ Miss Dont Judges head?  "Fuckin ey he is fat!". Lets please try to remember that this person does NOT like it when others judge........At this point lets skip ahead to night time. Ah yes.....night time. After a full day of being non-judgemental we find Mr/Miss Don't Judge in bed with their significant other. What do you imagine that this , oh so great, person of the non judging type is thinking right now as his/her significant other is making what he or she thinks is mad passionate love to him or her? Well, lets take a look inside that beautiful mind of his/her.....wait..I have a better idea.....you look inside your own beautiful mind and try to come up with something that IS NOT a judgement( good or bad ).

    Look, judgements are made all the time. We judge guilt, innocence, appearance, intelligence, sexiness, power, wealth, importance, actions, ability, etc..etc..!

    The point I'm trying to make, kiddies, is that each and everyone of us make judgements about others all day long. As a matter of fact, the most severe and positive judgements are the ones we make on our friends and family.

    The whole point of this blog is to judge. So to the jack ass that tells me " Don't Judge" I say "Fuck you hypocrite". I will judge who I want, when I want, how I want, because I am human and thats what a human does moron.

    To all my followers.....wait.....I don't have any yet cuz you ...yeah ,YOU ASSHOLE(judgement).....haven't clicked on that little word that says FOLLOW on the right side of the screen....fuckin idiot.........

anywho.....to you I say, Go forth and Judge. Judge because it makes you human and, after all, being human is a pretty damn good gig!

Until next time....rant and roll mofo's