Well, Hello kiddies! It has been a while since we last had a chance to rant. It isn't that I didn't want to, it is just that I have been a touch busy. Last Thursday was my birthday and I did what I always do around this time of year..... reflect and look ahead. I was talking about the past with one of my friends and we were talking about my younger years( yes I'm old now ) and all the fun stuff we did back then. I soon realized that almost all of the really funny stuff happened while I was stoned. That's right, stoned. I , like many of you, used to smoke pot, weed, reefer! I no longer do it because my job demands that I be sober and I am subject to random drug and alcohol testing not to mention that I have outgrown it. But it got me thinking about marijuana prohibition and the other prohibition that our country went through in the early part of the last century and how we never seem to learn our history lessons.
Early in the last century our country decided that it would be a great idea to ban the manufacture, sale or consumption of alcohol. It wasn't just the Temperance movement or a government plan that caused this. It was many groups who saw the dangers of alcohol and thought it best to eliminate it from our society. It is safe to say that, while the intention was good, it was a complete failure and it failed on many levels. Before the ban women( other than prostitutes ) did not go into saloons. After the ban, women started going to speak ease's and female alcoholism sky rocketed. Before the ban, organized crime didn't quite exist. After the ban, organized crime became prevalent and ruthless not to mention that the quality of the alcohol they made was suspect as well. Our police would round up people by the patty wagons full and put them in jail which cost local governments huge amounts of tax revenue and overwhelmed the court systems.
Well, here we are...the 21st century and what do I see? A fuckin' repeat of the past. The Narco trafficantes in Mexico have killed close to 30,000 people in drug turf wars. We have people who wanted nothing more than to smoke a little kush being rounded up, put in jail, appearing in court and for what? Because they wanted to enjoy what they like? Fantastic... great idea.... we have nothing better to do? No bigger problems to address or put those tax dollars towards? Listen you idiots... I have never, in my life, met a person who said " hey man, lets go rob a liquor store so we can score some smoke". NOOO......pot heads are not like that. They don't get high and say " hey man, lets get high and go beat the shit out of someone". Noooo....instead it is more like " hey man, lets get high, order a pizza and play a video game". You morons who think that banning marijuana is a good idea are insane and have learned nothing from our past.
The war on drugs is a fucking joke. We have thrown hundreds of billions at this issue over the last sixty to seventy years and what has it accomplished? NOTHING you assholes. So please stop this insanity. The definition of insanity is " doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". So tell me, has the result been any different than the war on alcohol? Nope, same failed idea, same result. At what point do we finally admit that this war is a failure? At what point do we accept the idea that as a free person, aka American, we have the right to snap a bong load or light a joint? I am really tired of goody two shoe assholes trying to tell others how to live. If you don't want to smoke a little kush, then don't but leave those who do alone. Back to wars....if I made every world leader sit down and snap a bong load we may never see another war. They would all be to busy watching a movie or playing a video game and eating pizza to give a shit about what the country next door was saying about him. Maybe we should get all of Al queda high, give them an Xbox and a game called "Kill the Infidel" and they would ease up a little and join the party.... maybe not ...pot and explosives are never a good mix but if they blew themselves up that wouldn't be so bad either would it?
Look, all I'm trying to say is that the current policy is wrong on way too many levels. We can apply the same laws to Marijuana consumption that we do to alcohol. We can make money in both the growing of and taxation of hemp. Hemp has many more uses than just smoking it. By doing these things, we can take some power away from the Narco Trafficantes, ease the burden on our criminal justice system and finally start treating some illnesses with the plant. By the way, do you know what it costs to house an inmate in our correction system? Depending on the state it can cost anywhere from 30k to 60k a year. That's our tax money!!! These guys, are for the most part, non violent offenders who have been arrested for possession of marijuana. Then we put them in with"real criminals" and we think that they are going to be all better when they come out? Nope, now they have a criminal record and will have problems getting a job not to mention the great friends they had to make while in prison so they wouldn't get raped or beat to shit every day. No worries, I'm sure they will come out a much better person....YEAH RIGHT!
Look genius, can we finally agree that maybe, just maybe, it is time that we reconsidered the path YOU have chosen? That maybe we can look at the plant and the people who use it as NON DANGEROUS? Damn it....PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS and think rationally for just 5 minutes. Quit trying to save people from themselves all the DAMN TIME! And by the way... you assholes in San Francisco.... I want a toy with my fuckin HAPPY MEAL alright? Get your fuckin " I know whats better for you than you do" ASS OUT OF MY LIFE! DAMN IT!!!!!! Sorry, just tired of people trying to live MY FUCKIN LIFE FOR ME & QUIT TRYING TO HARSH MY MELLOW ASSHOLE!!!!
Anyhow, I hope I was able to talk some sense into those of you on the other side. Most likely not, but it was worth a shot. Keep on doing what your doing....after all....your insane.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
You Are Old......
........Not quite, damn it, but I'm getting there....and before I forget.....uh....uhhhhhh.....damn it...what was I going to say.......CRAP! Oh yeah! Now I remember....YOU SUCK! You had to go and remind me that something I dread, something I thought would never happen ,cuz I wasn't SUPPOSED TO LIVE THIS FUCKIN' LONG, is, beyond the shadow of any doubt, happening! God damn it!
You see, I never thought that I would be old. It wasn't going to happen to me....it Couldn't happen to me. Why would he think such a silly thing, you ask? Because genius, in case you have forgotten (and you have), none of us thought we would ever get old! Remember the days when we sat around and laughed at old people. We laughed at the way they dressed and the way they acted and we told ourselves that we would never be them....REMEMBER THAT? Well guess what....go look in the mirror retard...and while you are doing that, hold up a picture of you when you were....oh, I don't know.....anytime before 30! By the way...if you are 35 or under and try this you will think I'm the tard.....unless you totally look like shit now compared to then. If that's the case, put down the Tommy's triple chili cheese burger, quit smoking crack, quit drinking a fifth of Mad Dog 20/20 (Jack Daniels for those of you with jobs) and quit smoking 2 packs of Marlboro Reds a day....IDIOT!!!
..........Ahhhh...but I digress...... You see, I wasn't supposed to live this long. In my 20's I was out of control. Every moment was a party but to me it was more than a party. It was me always trying to push the envelope doing and trying things that, looking back, were not all that smart. It wasn't that I was dumb, stupid or otherwise, I have never been those things, it was that I didn't care about much. I cared about my friends and the people I loved but I didn't give a rats ass about what might happen to me. If you ask my family or friends about me, I think they may all agree that I just didn't give a shit. O.k......enough with the serious bullshit......UUUUgggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
So, here I am at..... non of your fuckin business... years old but it is safe to say that if I held up a pic of myself and looked in the mirror to compare then to now that I would most likely climb into a bath tub with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a razor blade( just kidding...put the fuckin phone down already). At times it really bothers me that I have become "older" but the one part that doesn't bother me at all is that I am much smarter now. Life experience has taught me much. Most of it is great but I also see that it has made me far less care free. Now I have a career, responsibilities, and all sorts of other obligations.
There are parts of the old me that I miss but there also parts that I am happy to have outgrown....wait...didn't I say enough serious?....YES I DID!!!! CRAP....keep forgetting shit......Look..old people....2 things to never do......1.Men... Quit trying to be 25 when you are 50 by running around wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts and pants.....YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN CLOWN..... conversely, don't throw on a pair of baggy ass pants pulled up over you navel with a tucked in polo shirt.......that just screams OLD FUCK .2.Ladies, Quit wearing weird colored mu mu's, or whatever the fuck you call them, with polyester stretch pants.....that screams I own 100 cats! Also....nothing is quite so retarded as khaki capri pants.....can we finally agree on this....they look like fuckin shit. there is nothing sexy about them ( unless they are jeans style and tight fitting ) just as there is nothing sexy about a guy with pants pulled up past his navel.....damn it...have you all forgotten how to dress with a little bit of style. Just a touch of class and a bit of " I give a shit about myself and what I look like! Is it really to much to ask? Oh...and one other thing...you guys in your 40's and 50's...quit trying so fuckin hard to look 25....it's too late...the receding hair line...bit of beer belly...grey hair..wrinkles...do I need to continue asshole? Your time has come and gone...so go gracefully into middle age and quite trying to impress your sons girlfriend weirdo.
This I say to the rest of you who are doing your best to age gracefully with dignity and class. Thank you for being real!!!
A special shout out to Jen for the "your old" idea. If you have a suggestion for me to rant about, please feel free to post it in the comment section!
Well that's it for now you wrinkled up, pasty, crusty old folks. We will address some other issues related to oldness ( like viagra ) in another 20 to 30 years. Until then......
.........rant on you old fucks!!!!!
You see, I never thought that I would be old. It wasn't going to happen to me....it Couldn't happen to me. Why would he think such a silly thing, you ask? Because genius, in case you have forgotten (and you have), none of us thought we would ever get old! Remember the days when we sat around and laughed at old people. We laughed at the way they dressed and the way they acted and we told ourselves that we would never be them....REMEMBER THAT? Well guess what....go look in the mirror retard...and while you are doing that, hold up a picture of you when you were....oh, I don't know.....anytime before 30! By the way...if you are 35 or under and try this you will think I'm the tard.....unless you totally look like shit now compared to then. If that's the case, put down the Tommy's triple chili cheese burger, quit smoking crack, quit drinking a fifth of Mad Dog 20/20 (Jack Daniels for those of you with jobs) and quit smoking 2 packs of Marlboro Reds a day....IDIOT!!!
So, here I am at..... non of your fuckin business... years old but it is safe to say that if I held up a pic of myself and looked in the mirror to compare then to now that I would most likely climb into a bath tub with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a razor blade( just kidding...put the fuckin phone down already). At times it really bothers me that I have become "older" but the one part that doesn't bother me at all is that I am much smarter now. Life experience has taught me much. Most of it is great but I also see that it has made me far less care free. Now I have a career, responsibilities, and all sorts of other obligations.
There are parts of the old me that I miss but there also parts that I am happy to have outgrown....wait...didn't I say enough serious?....YES I DID!!!! CRAP....keep forgetting shit......Look..old people....2 things to never do......1.Men... Quit trying to be 25 when you are 50 by running around wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts and pants.....YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN CLOWN..... conversely, don't throw on a pair of baggy ass pants pulled up over you navel with a tucked in polo shirt.......that just screams OLD FUCK .2.Ladies, Quit wearing weird colored mu mu's, or whatever the fuck you call them, with polyester stretch pants.....that screams I own 100 cats! Also....nothing is quite so retarded as khaki capri pants.....can we finally agree on this....they look like fuckin shit. there is nothing sexy about them ( unless they are jeans style and tight fitting ) just as there is nothing sexy about a guy with pants pulled up past his navel.....damn it...have you all forgotten how to dress with a little bit of style. Just a touch of class and a bit of " I give a shit about myself and what I look like! Is it really to much to ask? Oh...and one other thing...you guys in your 40's and 50's...quit trying so fuckin hard to look 25....it's too late...the receding hair line...bit of beer belly...grey hair..wrinkles...do I need to continue asshole? Your time has come and gone...so go gracefully into middle age and quite trying to impress your sons girlfriend weirdo.
This I say to the rest of you who are doing your best to age gracefully with dignity and class. Thank you for being real!!!
A special shout out to Jen for the "your old" idea. If you have a suggestion for me to rant about, please feel free to post it in the comment section!
Well that's it for now you wrinkled up, pasty, crusty old folks. We will address some other issues related to oldness ( like viagra ) in another 20 to 30 years. Until then......
.........rant on you old fucks!!!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sorry to disappoint
Well, not really. Truth is I don't care if you're disappointed or not. I'm not going to RANT because it is New Years Day. It is a time to start fresh, to look at life in all its glory with a new pair of sun glasses. After all, the future is so bright I gotta wear shades!
The fact of the matter is today is the first day of a new year and as such, many people are laying around in a dark, cool room trying their best not to bolt for the bathroom. They don't want to have to go into the bathroom because that is where their friend is, curled up in a fetal position, on the floor next to the toilet. To you I say "job well done"! You were successful in making sure that the first 12 hours of the new year didn't exist in your mind! Excellent!!! One small problem....technology! That is right, oh speaker of slurred speech! While you were up on the bar, dancing you little heart away, your friends ( and some guy we don't know who regularly posts things on youtube ) had their phones out recording every precious moment for posterity! As a matter of fact I'm watching it on youtube right now! Whaaaooooo.....that had to hurt when you dove off the bar. Judges score? 9.2, 9.5, 9.5, 10, and a 5.7...( last judge was russian). Impressive! To you I give a tip of the hat!
So....being that it is national recovery day and there isn't much thinking going on beyond " I think I gotta throw up". Lets make Jan. 2nd a day that we consider what we will do with this new year. Lets be kind and thoughtful. Considerate and grateful. Giving and caring. Most of all...Lets give a shit about our world and all thats in it. Lets try to make it just a little bit better....what do ya say? You in?
OOOOPPPSSSS..... did I go on a rant? My bad!
The fact of the matter is today is the first day of a new year and as such, many people are laying around in a dark, cool room trying their best not to bolt for the bathroom. They don't want to have to go into the bathroom because that is where their friend is, curled up in a fetal position, on the floor next to the toilet. To you I say "job well done"! You were successful in making sure that the first 12 hours of the new year didn't exist in your mind! Excellent!!! One small problem....technology! That is right, oh speaker of slurred speech! While you were up on the bar, dancing you little heart away, your friends ( and some guy we don't know who regularly posts things on youtube ) had their phones out recording every precious moment for posterity! As a matter of fact I'm watching it on youtube right now! Whaaaooooo.....that had to hurt when you dove off the bar. Judges score? 9.2, 9.5, 9.5, 10, and a 5.7...( last judge was russian). Impressive! To you I give a tip of the hat!
So....being that it is national recovery day and there isn't much thinking going on beyond " I think I gotta throw up". Lets make Jan. 2nd a day that we consider what we will do with this new year. Lets be kind and thoughtful. Considerate and grateful. Giving and caring. Most of all...Lets give a shit about our world and all thats in it. Lets try to make it just a little bit better....what do ya say? You in?
OOOOPPPSSSS..... did I go on a rant? My bad!
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